Letter to a Teen with ADHD,
Maybe you’ve been told that you “daydream too much,” or are “too impulsive” or “not trying hard enough.” Maybe you’ve spent a lot of time wondering why things that seem easy for other people, like starting your homework, remembering plans, or staying focused, feel a lot harder than they should. The truth is, your brain simply works differently. It’s like being left handed in a world designed for right-handed people. You may just need a few extra tools to navigate a system built for a different kind of wiring. That’s where therapy comes in.
What Therapy Is (and What It Isn’t)
Therapy isn’t about someone telling you what to do. It’s a space where you can talk about what’s hard without being judged, uncover what about your ADHD is getting in the way of your well-being, learn skills that work for you, develop a better understanding of your brain, and feel less alone. ADHD is very common. About 1 in 9 teenagers up to age 17 will have received a diagnosis at some point in their lives. Think of therapy as a place where you get to slow down, take a deep breath, and discuss what’s challenging for you with someone who actually gets it.
How Therapy Works
ADHD-focused therapy is usually a mix of three things:
1. Talking: what’s going on in your life, your thoughts, and your feelings
2. Psychoeducation: how your brain works; why it makes certain things more challenging but also
has its own unique strengths
3. Trying Out Practical Strategies: skills and tools that make daily life a little easier (phone
reminders, routine building, to-do lists, digital calendars, timers, etc.)
You talk, you learn, you test new strategies out in real life, and then you come back and figure out what worked and what didn’t. Therapy is very experimental. You and your therapist are continually testing ideas, staying open-minded, and using feedback to guide the process until you discover what truly feels right for you. It’s a team effort. You do the work and your therapist is there to support you.
As you and your therapist work together, it’s helpful to have a sense of what you want to get out of therapy. In the early sessions, you’ll talk about your goals and what you’d like to change or improve. Often, you and your therapist will come up with small “homework” tasks each week to help you make progress. Don’t worry, it’s not homework like writing a paper! It’s just simple, practical steps. It might be setting a timer to clean your room for a set amount of time, or committing to going to bed at the same time each night for a week.
Your therapist is there to support you in reaching your goals. They aren’t there to do the work for you or tell you what to do; instead, they’re there to guide you, encourage you, and help you figure out what works best for you.
How ADHD-Focused Therapy Is Different
Traditional therapy often focuses on emotions, trauma, relationships, and past experiences. While ADHD-focused therapy is mindful of those things, as well, it is also more:
— Practical: organizing schoolwork, planning your week, managing time, remembering plans-
— Skills-based: improving focus, and coping with overwhelm, restlessness, and big emotions
— Brain-aware: understanding how ADHD affects motivation, memory, and follow-through
— Shame-reducing: unlearning the idea that you’re “lazy” or “not trying enough”
ADHD therapy isn’t about “fixing” you. It’s about working with your brain instead of against it.
What Executive Functions Are (and Why They Matter)
Executive functions are basically your brain’s “self-management system.” They help you plan ahead, start tasks, keep track of time, remember things, stay organized, control impulses, and manage emotions. These skills are mainly controlled by the frontal lobe of your brain and are essential for school, home routines, friendships, and everyday life.
ADHD symptoms happen because your executive functions sometimes need extra help. Therapy gives you tools to navigate the way your ADHD brain operates. With support and the right strategies, you can work through these challenges and truly thrive.
Case Examples
1. Starting Homework
Eliza often found herself frozen in front of her math homework. She could stare at the first problem for an hour, unable to begin. In her mind, starting meant committing to getting every step perfect, and that pressure felt paralyzing. As the due date crept closer, her anxiety spiked and she convinced herself there wasn’t enough time to do it “right,” so she abandoned the assignment altogether. In therapy, Eliza and her therapist began breaking each task into small, manageable steps. They used short timers to structure focused work periods and scheduled breaks to prevent her from feeling overwhelmed. Over time, these strategies helped Eliza reduce her perfectionism-driven avoidance and build confidence in starting her work.
2. Emotional Overwhelm
Jacob felt constantly overwhelmed by the expectations of his parents and teachers. No matter how hard he tried, it seemed like they wanted more from him than he could offer. When he couldn’t meet those expectations, he was flooded with shame and began to believe he was disappointing everyone. His self-esteem plummeted, and even small comments, reminders, suggestions, and corrections felt like rejection. In therapy, Jacob learned to recognize the situations and thoughts that triggered these big emotions, practicing strategies to calm his body, regulate his emotions, and reframe the thoughts that he was “not enough.” Slowly but surely, he began to feel more grounded and capable, gaining a sense of control over both his responses and his daily life.
3. Organizing Life
Jordan kept forgetting plans with their friends and kept losing things, getting them in trouble at school and at home. They felt embarrassed and confused about why these simple tasks were so hard for them. In therapy, Jordan worked on building small, consistent routines and using practical tools, like a digital calendar, to support their ADHD brain. Over time, these strategies
helped Jordan stay organized, reduce stress, and feel more confident in their daily life.
What You Can Do Right Now
So if you’re a teen with ADHD, here’s what I want you to know. You’re not behind, and you’re not lazy. You have a wonderfully creative brain that sometimes needs a little extra support to function in a world not designed for it. There are many excellent resources available for learning about ADHD—from podcasts to books and more. Explore some of the best options here.
If therapy feels like the right next step for you, reach out to your parents, a teacher, school counselor, or any trusted adult and tell them that you’d like to try therapy. Start small, picking one habit or tool you can try this week. Maybe it’s shutting your phone off an hour before bed. Or putting every deadline or plan into your phone calendar the minute you hear about it. You deserve to feel understood and in control of your life. And this letter is your reminder: you don’t have to figure this out alone.
About the Author
Isabel is passionate about supporting teens and young adults with ADHD by helping them understand their brains and build confidence in their strengths. Isabel loves playing with her dog, Sunday morning Pilates, walks in Central Park, and everything about the fall season.